The desire to be loved, accepted and validated is deeply rooted in human nature. It stems from so many sources, mainly from the desire to belong and feel understood. From childhood, we learn to seek approval, to adjust ourselves (in our speech and demeanour), all to ensure we are palatable to those around us.
We learnt to convince ourselves that if we are kind enough, agreeable enough, if we tread lightly and offend no one, we might escape the sting of rejection. Yet, in doing so, we delude ourselves, not realising that what makes us remarkable is rarely what makes us universally liked.
Life has a way of offering us lessons we often resist learning. Perhaps one of the difficult pills to swallow is if you are to be truly loved, you must be equally willing to be loathed. The very traits that make you magnetic to some, will inevitably repel others. It’s a life principle many struggle to embrace. We often dim our light and curtail our feelings, just to make others happier and comfortable.
When we choose to live aligned with our truth, we will automatically unsettle others. Not because we intend to, but because our existence becomes a mirror. It reflects what others dare not confront within themselves.
People project their insecurities, fears and unhealed wounds onto others. One’s confidence might trigger another’s self-doubt. Our joy might highlight someone’s misery. Your success could remind others of their failures. When we understand this, we stop internalising rejection and see it for what it truly is — someone else’s battle, not ours.
Understand that some will love you precisely for the same reasons others cannot stand you. When you dare to shine brightly, you illuminate the darkness others would rather avoid, and some will hate you for it.
Trying to please everyone is a guaranteed route to self-betrayal. When we dilute our personality, beliefs or dreams just to be satisfactory to all, we ultimately sacrifice the essence of who we are. Ironically, the more we try to be liked by everyone, the less truly loved we feel. Love, real love, comes from being fully seen, flaws and weaknesses. That level of connection is only possible when you stop performing for the crowd, and start showing up as yourself.
There is a quiet dignity in standing your ground, in knowing that you are neither here to be understood by all, nor loved by all. You are here to live fully, honestly, and without apology. It is, after all, the only way to live a life worth remembering.
So, speak your truth. Pursue what lights you up. Live loudly. Some will mock, but others — your tribe, your people — will see you, hear you, and love you all the more for it. Isn’t that the kind of life worth living?
In the end, it is not the approval of the crowd that shapes the measure of a life, but the courage it took to live honestly. So let’s embrace the discomfort of being truly seen, by both friend and foe.
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