We need closure

A middle-aged man comes to the clinic and tells me about his frustration after a virtual friend with whom he was communicating daily blocked him following an argument, he describes feeling sad and angry for being shut out without a clear explanation.

He tried to contact the virtual friend and resolve the conflict but the other guy was not interested and decided to shut him up by blocking him. “We used to communicate daily, he would tell me about his day and I would tell him about mine. He was a very good friend even though we have not met face to face but a simple argument made him end our friendship in this brutal way. I kept experiencing different emotions, sometimes times I blame myself for getting so close to him and trusting him, then I hate him for what he did.”

When a relationship ends, naturally, one or both parties go through difficult times. The person who wants to keep the relationship usually experiences strong and conflicting emotions especially when s/he doesn’t know why the other person decided to end it. This makes it difficult for them to move on.

In psychology, the term closure is used to describe “a process of knowing that a relationship has ended for a particular reason which to some degree makes it easier to understand the situation and make new plans”. After closure, some people choose to remain friends while others prefer to go separate ways and accept that the relationship was not meant to be without blaming themselves for what happened.

The brain needs to know, with certainty, why a relationship has ended. This is why closure is essential because it allows the brain and the heart to understand that the relationship has ended and there is no going back. This way, the person on the receiving end of the breakup would stop searching for explanations or wondering if he or she could have done something to save the relationship or there is hope in going back to each others in the future. This brings peace to both parties and enables people to heal. We may experience a need for closure when a loved one dies and he or she get buried without us having a chance to see the body and say proper goodbye. This can happen when we are or the dead person in a different country and we are unable to reach before the funeral. Some people would experience dreams of the dead person coming back to life or even believe that they saw them somewhere which is to possible because they are dead. The brain of the living person gets tino a state of denial that the loved one has died and this is why the dreams keep coming. This is why some societies encourage close friends and family members to view the dead body and say their final goodbye and place the dead person in the grave as a form of acceptance that gives them proper closure.

Finally, whether a relationship ends due to death, or a breakup, remember to have a proper closure.

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