“Bee, habibti! As promised, and for research purposes, I have cringe- and binge-watched Love Is Blind: Netherlands, while you made your way through the Habibi version of the dating show,” writes Dania, whom I call DB.
(Love Is Blind is a popular Netflix social experiment (read: a ka-ching cash cow), adapted in many countries, in which men and women date in pods, able to hear but not see each other. They are not supposed to discuss their physical appearance, and those who ‘fall blindly in love’ get engaged before meeting face-to-face. They then usually either say ‘I do!’ or ‘What have I got myself into?’ Is it an eternal love flame or five minutes of Netflix and more social media fame?)
My friend continues: “I cringed at these people making questionable romantic choices and even secretly streamed the show on my phone. But Bee, one episode addressed a serious issue that goes against your Dutch culture of tolerance.”
“Do you remember one of the beautiful Dutch women on the show, who moved to the Netherlands at the age of two? She married the man she had been dating in the pods, even after he, according to the Netflix translation, hesitantly but bluntly said he was not into ‘fully Black’ women?
“I was even more taken aback on my fluffy sofa, when she revealed her African heritage during that same date and he responded: ‘But you sound so Dutch!’ Did he imply that having a Dutch accent means ‘sounding white’? At the very least, it suggested colourism and implicit racial bias. Love, DB”
My response to Dania’s email: “DB, habibti! Watching a reality dating show does feel like a cultural crime, but I'd rather listen to blinddaters' conversations than overhear Donald going on about ‘lies, lies’ on the news.”
As for Mika, the Dutch woman of African heritage, when she asked her now ex-husband during their blind date whether he had a ‘type’, he replied that he would not fall for a ‘fully tinted’ woman. He did avoid the word ‘Black’, perhaps (ironically) trying to reflect a typically Dutch discomfort with defining people by skin colour. Yet his choice of words suggested colourism to me, too.
“Some viewers were quick to call him racist. I see it more as an example of implicit racial bias, an issue receiving increasing attention as the Netherlands confronts its colonial past, more so than in the ‘90s and 2000s. Also, Mika spoke flawless Dutch, no accent. That made the ‘But you sound so Dutch’ comment even worse.”
“As promised, I watched Love Is Blind: Habibi. Why did they not call it Love Is Blind: UAE as it takes place in Dubai? Perhaps because the participants were all Arab expatriates? I liked that the men asked the parents for their approval for marriage and that there was no sharing of hotel rooms before the wedding. One Lebanese participant annoyed me with her princess-like insistence that men should always pick up the bill. A rather outdated notion, given that in this part
of the world many husbands and wives both work and share the costs. Love, B.”
The next day, another email from Dania:
“BB, habibti! Let us focus again on blind spots. I read about the Red Line demonstration in Amsterdam against the genocide in Gaza. A Dutch activist wrote that ‘finally, more people call out the Israeli government for the destruction of Palestinian life’. I noticed that among the demonstrators was one Amsterdam's former mayors, who mentioned he was Jewish. He said that until recently he had described the situation in Gaza as ‘complicated’ but could no longer avoid calling it a genocide.”
“I am glad to see more people in the West opening their eyes, but those children now struggling through floods in Gaza must be desperately wondering when someone will make a real difference. Love, DB”
My response: “DB, habibti! I have seen images of the devastating floods in Gaza. On the same feed, I came across a photograph of an old Amsterdam acquaintance holidaying in sunny Tel Aviv. I wonder whether she also joined the Red Line demonstration. Separately, I wonder whether Hamilton is having a difficult conversation with his girlfriend about human rights versus making money."
Many Westerners initially hesitated to call what was happening in Gaza a genocide. Some still do, partly because of a deeply internalised narrative and-or partly for fear of being accused of antisemitism. (I know what you think of that term, given that Muslim Arabs are Semites, too.)
At Dutch schools, we learnt extensively about the Holocaust and the imperative of never again. Yet this also seemed to discourage criticism of Israel, as though it were synonymous with insulting Jewish people. In the 1990s and early 2000s, Israel was portrayed as the proverbial sheep among wolves. We learnt nothing about how the story began.
A Dutch Jewish pro-Palestinian activist recently pointed out that “holding the Israeli government accountable for the genocide does not mean that all Jews are held accountable. Love, B.”
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