You bought a new car with all the features you needed for convenience and comfort; and suddenly, this acquaintance provides you with an unsolicited review that this car is overpriced, you would have gotten a better option with the so-and-so model. Though you have done all the research and shortlisting intricately, you feel a dismissal of approval instead of validation and applause.
Or you have been an excellent performer in studies or sports, yet you feel less worthy of yourself because your efforts go unnoticed and you feel unseen. Likewise, you invest in closest relationships candidly, but the returns are not up to your expectations and you start feeling unappreciated and walked over.
Achieving all that you once endeavoured seems trivial because the response you wanted from people hasn't been as you wished it to be. The emotional hunger for applause and appreciation is wiping you out inside and you begin to doubt your accomplishments to attain outside validation.
We fail to realise that there is a humongous difference between aligned success and public success. The silent pressure to win has overridden the need for mental peace to exist. No wonder every promotion, every award won, or every new feather to the cap is followed by a crash sooner because the neurobiology of performing for others didn’t fix it.
We live in a world of likes, comments, applause and titles, online and offline, juxtaposed. When this is the performance metric, or the input to put in effort, how can we expect the output to be satisfactory and convincing enough?
An article in the International Journal of Research Publication and Reviews on Research Gate states, “When individuals do not receive the expected level of validation, they may interpret it as a reflection of their worth or popularity. They may internalise the lack of validation as a personal rejection or a sign of inadequacy, leading to feelings of self-doubt and a decline in self-esteem.
Continuous exposure to such experiences can result in heightened self-consciousness, insecurity and even social anxiety, as individuals become increasingly concerned about their online image and the validation they receive.
Another important finding is the implications of social validation on self-presentation and identity construction. Users carefully curate their online personas, presenting themselves in ways that align with social norms and seeking validation from others. However, this pursuit of validation can create a tension between authenticity and conformity. Individuals strive to maintain their true selves while seeking approval from others, navigating the delicate balance between self-expression and social acceptance. This finding underscores the complex interplay between social validation and individual identity on social media platforms”.
A reasoning might prevail that you need an audience, likes and comments to thrive if you are an entrepreneur, content creator, or similar field, but that shouldn’t be the backbone. It must operate as a tool rather than a success evaluation yard. We have comparatively fewer people who are building something value-based or purpose-driven. Unfortunately, the herd orientation is applause-driven and response-triggering.
The only way out of this validation trap is a healing mindset shift and introspection. Do you still want success without an audience? Are we ready to construct our identity beyond someone else’s recognition and praise? Do we take accountability for what we are generating and presenting to society? If we can shift the success paradigm from performance-based to value addition, meaning and purpose, then outward validation will perish and that will be true success beyond validation and without losing ambition.
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