It was around 7 pm when the doorbell rang. My 28-year-old son was sitting in the living room. He rushed to open the door, only to find two young boys standing outside. “Sorry, uncle, can we have our football? It fell into your yard,” the one boy said politely.
My son froze. “Uncle?” he repeated silently as he retrieved the ball. He handed it back to the children, then walked back inside muttering to himself, “So I’m an uncle now.”
His reaction reminded me that aging is not just a biological process; it is a social one. Sometimes it begins with a single word spoken by a stranger.
But what does it actually mean to be ‘old’? And at what point do people start to feel that they have reached old age?
A recent study published by the American Psychological Association suggests that middle-aged and older adults today believe that old age begins significantly later compared to those who lived decades earlier.
Another study that involved interviewing 14,000 participants found that people born in 1956 considered someone ‘old’ at around age 74. In contrast, people born in 1911 believed old age began at 71. The difference may seem small, but it reflects major changes in life expectancy, health and retirement patterns.
According to the researchers, as people live longer and stay healthier, society’s benchmarks for when someone becomes ‘old’ have stretched further into the future. The study also revealed that, as individuals, themselves grow older, their idea of ‘old age’ moves forward too. A 64-year-old might say old age begins at 74. But ask the same person again at age 74, and they may say it starts at 76 or 77. In other words, old age appears to shift with every birthday.
Gender and health also shape these perceptions. Women, on average, place the onset of old age two years later than men. People who feel lonely or in poor health tend to perceive themselves as older, while those who feel connected and healthy view old age as something further ahead.
Despite these trends, the researchers noted that the ‘postponement of old age’ has slowed in recent years, raising questions about whether attitudes towards aging are truly becoming more positive or whether people are simply avoiding the label because society still treats old age as something undesirable.
This ambivalence plays out in small, everyday moments, like a young boy calling a 28-year-old ‘uncle.’ For the child, the term was probably a sign of respect, a cultural habit of addressing older youth politely. But for my son, it felt like crossing an invisible threshold into a stage he believed was still far away.
Understanding how people perceive aging has important implications for healthcare, retirement planning and how we prepare ourselves for our own aging. If society views old age as a period of decline and loss, people will resist it. However, if we frame it as a stage that brings wisdom, perspective and purpose, perhaps fewer people will flinch at being called ‘uncle.’
For now, my son has accepted his new honorary title, though with mild reluctance, but this incident reminded me that age is not a fixed number, but a story each of us writes as we go.
Dr Hamed Al SinawinThe writer is a senior consultant psychiatrist at SQU Hospital
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