"She seems to lead this project with a soft hand," a former Omani colleague once told a team member who was helping us build the 'Your Decision, Your Future' platform, designed to support Omani school students in making more informed higher education choices.
"A soft hand? In our office, we actually call her Margaret Thatcher," the Indian man replied with a grin. An old friend, he was clearly amused, but I was not, as they were referring to me.
After all, as I had initiated our small bilingual project for Omani school students, inspired by the directives of the late His Majesty Sultan Qaboos, I naturally had to oversee its production. However, this role suddenly involved managing a team and assigning tasks to others, which was very different from my usual behind-the-scenes work of research, writing, and problem solving.
As the only European on that particular team, and on many teams in Oman for that matter, I had also always been careful not to appear ‘overbearing’, too painfully aware of some of the notorious stereotypes about Westerners.
And yet, there I was, suddenly picturing myself ‘ruling’ my co-workers with an ‘iron fist’ instead of being a gentle leader, a Master Shifu-style figure from Kung Fu Panda with a soft yet firm hand.
If there is any truth to this Thatcher perception, however, perhaps it is because, back then, I took on too many responsibilities or because I once had a strict supervisor myself.
Maybe I am simply a terrible boss.
Or perhaps I should consider the warning that “Dutch directness may not always sit comfortably with Arab teams,” as mentioned in a recent video made by a German referencing the Lewis Model of Cross-Cultural Communication, a framework for understanding cultural differences in communication.
My first thought watching this video was that this statement seemed a little rich, given that people raised in Germany are hardly known for sugar-coating their words. But fair enough: generally speaking, the Dutch are world famous, or infamous, for their directness, often believing that honesty, sometimes brutal, is the best policy.
Meanwhile, although it is impossible to generalise across Arab subcultures while there are always exceptions, I have observed that most Omanis, especially at work, tend to be diplomatic, polite, patient and humble in their dealings with other people. Especially Omani leaders in the highest positions in the organisations I have worked for often have a calm, measured manner, as if they carry a lifetime of listening on their shoulders. Even those known for a firmer approach command respect through a charisma that somehow shapes the room around them.
Based on my experiences as a civil servant here in this beautiful nation, I actually like to think that I genuinely get along with many of my mostly Omani colleagues, past and present. I have actually learned to tempter my directness thanks to their diplomatic example.
Even outside formal work settings, this across-cultural harmony shows itself.
One Omani mother recently confided to me, with a laugh and a touch of sugar-coating, "One of the girls who went on your outdoor treasure hunts described you as having a strong presence. You and your garden games are fun for most of the children but, well, mildly infuriating to this one."
I immediately knew which eleven-year-old she meant. This was a girl invited to one of our whimsical outdoor adventures at a farm during warm winter evenings in Oman. We call them treasure hunts, events with self-made riddles, hidden clues and playful tasks. Far from fancy amusement parks, but most children love them.
That day, however, a few girls were glued to their mobile phones, refusing to participate, while one made it clear she found the activities too childish, casually touching up her lip gloss while scrolling through social media.
As these girls started to become Debbie Downers to the rest of the kids, I told them in a firm but friendly way that they were welcome to leave if they were bored.
Although one girl immediately summoned her driver, the other put down her phone and joined the fun and it was her Omani mother who diplomatically thanked me for being straightforward, remarking that a little honesty sometimes goes a long way.
Just another gentle reminder that Dutch directness and Omani diplomacy can coexist.
Bregje van Baaren
The writer is an education and communications consultant
Oman Observer is now on the WhatsApp channel. Click here
