At a recent workshop, a colleague shared an incident that caused her frustration. She described a team member who seemed to constantly undermine her during meetings, interrupting her points, dismissing her suggestions and whispering to the person next to him whenever she spoke. “I hate working with him,” she said, “but I can’t avoid it.” I explained that her situation is one many of us have faced: how to handle people whose behaviour drains our energy and makes collaboration difficult.
I remember her when I came across a book titled “Dealing with Difficult People” by the best-selling author Roberta Cava. In the first chapter, the author explained that she does not promise to “fix” such individuals since human nature is complex, and personality change is slow, but she does promise to provide practical tips and strategies for changing our responses. As Cava argues, while we cannot always control another person’s behaviour, we can control how we respond to them.
The book begins by identifying common types of difficult people: the complainers, the know-it-alls, the passive-aggressives, the bullies, and others. At first glance, these categories may sound like stereotypes, but Cava shows how recognising patterns of behaviour helps us respond more effectively. For instance, a chronic complainer may not be seeking solutions but simply a sympathetic ear. Understanding this dynamic can prevent us from wasting energy trying to “solve” their grievances.
One of the most striking aspects of the author's approach is her emphasis on assertiveness. She draws a clear line between passive behaviour like remaining silent while resentment builds, aggressive behaviour like meeting hostility with hostility and assertive behaviour such as stating one’s needs clearly and respectfully. Assertiveness, she argues, is the key to preserving dignity while addressing conflict. In the case of my colleague, rather than withdrawing or expressing her anger, she could calmly say: “I would appreciate finishing my point before we move on.” Such a statement, delivered with confidence, sets boundaries without escalating tension.
Instead of viewing difficult people as obstacles, Cava invites us to see them as opportunities to strengthen communication skills. This shift in perspective is empowering. It transforms a draining interaction into a test of patience, empathy and clarity. In professional settings, such reframing can even turn conflicts into catalysts for improved teamwork and mutual respect.
What makes 'Dealing with Difficult People' especially relevant today is the growing complexity of workplaces and communities. We interact with people from diverse backgrounds, with varied communication styles and stressors. Misunderstandings are inevitable, but hostility need not be. Cava’s tips, such as listening carefully, setting boundaries, speaking assertively and keeping emotions in check, provide a road map for navigating these challenges without losing one’s balance.
Returning to my colleague’s story, she eventually applied some of these strategies. By calmly asserting herself and redirecting conversations, she noticed a subtle shift. Her difficult team-mate did not transform overnight, but the dynamic improved. Most importantly, she no longer felt powerless. That, in essence, is the gift of this book; it restores our sense of agency in situations that often feel overwhelming.
In my opinion, if Roberta Cava's book were to be summarised in one line, it would be “difficult people may always exist, how we deal with them is entirely up to us."
Dr Hamed al Sinawi
The writer is a senior consultant psychiatrist at SQU Hospital
Oman Observer is now on the WhatsApp channel. Click here
