One day, the nestlings have to fly away. The animal kingdom keeps this as one of the objectives and would find it the most successful once their cubs show the spirit of independence.
It is a different experience for humans. Many parents are so involved in their children’s schooling and extracurricular activities that once their offspring move on for higher education, they are left with emptiness.
A friend said she feels unwell on most days and has this nervous energy of not knowing what to do, and there is the self-doubt factor too. Both her children are abroad pursuing their higher studies. Her son consoled her, saying it could be all the free time she has on her hands.
Maybe he is right.
The mind, however, is another level altogether. Being with two teenagers would have meant that her mind might have been busy with the happenings in their lives. And now is there a vacuum? According to findmykids.org, the three main stages that empty nesters experience are grief, followed by a refreshing sense of relief, and finally, the person is likely to feel joy as they settle into the freedoms of their new life. But the fact remains that between these stages the journey can be rough.
Add to the fact that age is a different game at this point. Building a career, bringing up children, and preparing them to face the world, and the day dawns when you realise the energy is not the same anymore, and the reasons for anxiety are not even identifiable anymore. There could be a change in the career path too, as individuals fall in a different age bracket at the same time. So there is another ordeal parents are working on.
It’s not about kids' exams anymore, and they are far away from knowing what exactly is going on in their lives on a daily basis. They are young adults, but can a parent ever stop worrying? So how can I encourage my friend? Apparently, there could be sadness, depression, and most significantly, loneliness. The house is empty and quiet. The active parenting years are almost over. There is a difficulty in accepting, but accepting is the only way to move forward.
What do parents do with empty spaces and silences? "Get busy": pick up the hobbies you had pushed aside. It is a new identity for both parents. No parent-teacher meetings or school functions to attend. Suddenly, the pressing issues are not the same anymore.
Could all this have an impact on the middle-aged crisis? It can probably cause a shift in lifestyle for both mother and father. So it is not just a stressful period for mothers, but fathers are also believed to go through the feeling of being lost.
So I suppose it is a period when parents have to find a new purpose while they continue to recover from their change in roles. Every generation goes through it. So it has only been a few years since the families have been able to get together. And life goes on as children, who are young adults, move on to find their direction in life.
So how do we find our purpose in life? Now this is a very personal journey of self-discovery to find out and explore your passions, values, and what gives you fulfilment.
Really? Is there more to discover about ourselves at this point in our lives, you might ask yourself.
The truth is there is so much because over the years, you have been evolving too.
Maybe a lot has to do with letting go and finding and embracing the new you.
Oman Observer is now on the WhatsApp channel. Click here
