A 70-year-old woman walks into my clinic with her teenage son, who has severe learning disabilities. She is receiving treatment for depression and describes how her son’s behaviour makes life very difficult for her.
She explains that he is entirely dependent on her, follows her around constantly and becomes very distressed if she goes out without him. As a result, she has stopped attending social gatherings or visiting her friends and neighbours.
Her son refuses help from other family members, insisting only on her assistance for basic tasks like showering and changing into clean clothes. When his elder brothers and sisters bring their children for weekend visits, he isolates himself in his room until they leave. He has never had friends, avoids interactions with others and displays extreme attachment to his mother. At night, he refuses to sleep in his own bed and insists on sleeping next to her.
As the conversation unfolds, she looks at him while he busies himself with his mobile phone and whispers, “I worry that when I’m gone, no one will be able to look after him.”
Her eyes reflect deep concern and exhaustion. It is clear that she feels trapped in a situation where her love and care are the only lifelines for her son, but they come at the cost of her mental health and well-being.
This case highlights a common yet often overlooked challenge faced by caregivers of individuals with developmental or intellectual disabilities. The emotional, physical and social challenges of caregiving can be overwhelming, especially for aging parents. This woman’s predicament reflects the complexities of balancing her own needs with those of her dependent child. Her son’s resistance to change or help from others further compounds her struggles, leaving her isolated and consumed by worry for his future.
Studies show that many parents of children with special needs experience significant mental health challenges, including depression and anxiety. This is especially true for single caregivers or those who lack sufficient support systems. The fear of 'what will happen when I’m gone' is a haunting question for many in her situation.
Addressing such cases requires a multi-agencies approach. First, the caregiver’s mental health must be prioritised. It is essential to connect her with a local support network, whether through local, mental health services, or family counseling. Offering respite care that provides temporary relief from caregiving responsibilities and helps her regain a sense of balance in her life.
A person with learning disabilities would benefit from a comprehensive evaluation to determine his specific needs and develop social skills training, occupational therapy and behavioural interventions to help him build some independence over time. It’s also essential to involve the extended family in this process so his siblings understand his needs and can share caregiving responsibilities in the future.
Government and non-governmental organisations can help by providing support and educational programmes to empower both caregivers and individuals with disabilities to lead more fulfilling lives.
In my opinion, the invisible struggles faced by caregivers calls for the society to provide the support and resources needed so no one bears such a heavy burden alone.
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