When a parent is a psychopath

I recently came across a tweet in Arabic that translates to ‘In the psychiatric hospitals, we don’t receive patients, but their victims’.

My initial response was that of anger as such a statement reinforced negative beliefs and stigma against people with a mental health condition. I then realised it was probably referring to people who have personality disorders where part of the burden of the condition falls on people who interact with the patient such as his close friends, family members or co-workers.

People with personality disorders are often impulsive and have difficulty understanding emotions and tolerating distress which makes it hard for them to relate to others. Such conditions affect the person’s personal and social life.

While there are several types of personality disorders the most commonly known to the public are the dissocial (also known as psychopath), the narcissist, and the borderline. People with these disorders are more likely to cause trouble and grievance to those around them because of their lack of empathy and emotional consideration of others, their emotional instability, and difficulties with interpersonal relationships.

In social media, the term ‘toxic people’ is often used to describe a person who has features of a personality disorder. Dealing with a person who has a personality disorder can be psychologically and emotionally draining.

Take for example the narcissistic mother who undermines her daughter's efforts at school while posing in all school photos when the daughter gets a certificate while stating to the audience that she is a great mother who always encourages her children.

Or the psychopathic husband who is controlling and emotionally abusing, blaming his wife constantly and showing no remorse for his actions, or the teenager with borderline personality disorder who exhibits massive mood swings threatens self-harm, and displays impulsive behaviours when his demands are not met.

So how do you deal with a loved one who has a personality disorder? Start by acknowledging the problem and reading more about it.

You may need the help of a psychiatrist to confirm the diagnosis. Set boundaries by letting them know what behaviours are acceptable and what are not, and be consistent in enforcing these boundaries.

Approach intense emotions and impulsive behaviours by being patient and empathetic. Encourage them to seek professional support as several types of therapy can help. At times, you may feel that you also need psychological support from support groups or a therapist.

Use non-confrontational and non-judgmental language such as ‘I’ statements to express your feelings and concerns would help you avoid triggering defensive reactions. Acknowledging and reinforcing simple acts of positive behaviours when they occur can help build trust and encourage more of these behaviours in the future.

Sometimes, progress may be slow and there may be setbacks along the way so It’s important to stay hopeful and persistent while also managing your expectations.

When the situation becomes harmful to your well-being you need to step back or limit contact with the person until they seek treatment and begin to manage their condition more effectively.

Finally, remember that being compationet while setting boundaries and seeking professional guidance, both for you and your loved one can help in navigating these challenges.