Can therapy save a troubled marriage?

A couple came to my clinic seeking marital advice as they were reaching the end of their marriage and considering divorce.

The husband explained that his wife is no longer emotionally available for him and their four-year-old son. She is often busy with shopping and going out with her friends while the wife says he is the one who is trying to control her and complaints about her shopping despite being financially well to do.

They started arguing about small things and because they are worried about the psychological impact of their arguments on their son the wife is requesting divorce.

They tried emotional separation where they live under the same roof but sleep in separate bedrooms. However, they were both concerned about the impact of real divorce on the son, so they agreed to give counselling a shot.

Married people would realise that marital life goes through ups and downs and that the ideal marriage probably exists in fairy tales only and understanding this fact is essential for couples to manage frustration.

While the majority can work out their differences and focus on building a happy life for the whole family some struggle with constant conflict that makes them feel miserable and to save their marriage, they seek professional help.

But can counselling save a broken marriage?

Marital challenges manifest in various forms and magnitudes and every couple handles their conflicts differently. Therefore, there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to marriage counselling techniques.

In most cases, marriage therapy works, but both partners should be willing to work on their relationship together. Marital counselling provides a safe place to identify the issues that cause the conflict in the presence of a neutral person who does not take sides.

Each of the couples would be able to speak out his or her point of view without attacking the other and learn to reflect on their behaviour and how it can be modified instead of focusing on changing the other person.

Negative communication patterns such as criticism, complaints, blame, anger, and sarcasm make people more defensive. This will less likely to accept the other person’s point of view, which is why marital therapy focuses on developing respectful communication without undermining each other and teaching them to express appreciation, affection, and kindness to each other.

Such gestures can go a long way in strengthening the bond between the couple.

Therapy will also help the couple work together to find mutually agreeable solutions by learning how to make decisions cooperatively.

Therapy would also help in setting boundaries so partners would feel comfortable expressing their needs and limitations regarding what they will and will not accept.

Sometimes smaller fights develop into bigger ones and the couple finds themselves in constant conflict. Therefore the therapist helps in identifying the areas in which both individuals need to change to reduce tensions.

Finally, one needs to remember that fixing a broken marriage takes time and effort.

Both partners need to be committed to the process and be patient with each other as they work toward healing and growth.