Talk is cheap, so the old saying goes, but that is just another easy thing to say, and especially when used as part of a sarcastic ‘putting down', of another’s opinion, which we are all entitled to.
Most often though it is aimed at someone talking too much and working too little, and we have all been guilty of it.
For most children and young people though, talk and conversation, are far from being either cheap or easy. Many have difficulty beginning, sustaining, or ending a conversation. It’s something that we adults usually take lightly, and for granted, and rarely take the time to evaluate or appreciate conversational failings within our kids, seeing them and misinterpreting them as shyness, or just simply reservation, whether natural or cultural.
Yet the reality is that if we are more aware of the conversational limitations, or reluctance, we will be doing a great service if we can respond, and act, as the effective parents we all want to be.
Maybe we think that they, the kids, will grow out of it, that shy, or reticent behaviour they exhibit, and either may be right, but effective parenting demands more of us. We must at least be aware of our kid’s socio-behavioural abilities, and the need for our support or intervention, when it is needed.
Setting aside different languages, we use several different systems to communicate. Firstly, of course, through sounds and pronunciation, known as phonology.
In this, hesitation and hesitancy often affect the child’s ability to draw together syllables in a confident manner, simply, for most, because of too little practice, but equally as often it is the complexity of the sounds, grammar, vocabulary and even body language, the non-verbal interactions.
Conversation then, for those experiencing difficulties, is like a Hydra, a many-headed beast.
Where sounds are concerned, uncertainty about how to make sounds may indicate shyness, or something greater and reluctance to engage conversationally is usually reliant upon the family environment to draw it out, with parent, and sibling influence the key to unlocking that hesitancy.
Cherie Carter-Scott is a Life Coach, who says, “Without good communication a relationship is just a hollow vessel, carrying you on a frustrating journey fraught with confusion and misunderstanding'', and we don’t want that for our kids, do we?
So, we must talk to our kids, have meaningful conversations, and not just greetings, honorifics and platitudes, but conversations with meaning and consequence, with intent, with negotiation and agreement, with consistency, truth, honesty, integrity, all the good things.
Not forgetting either that love, affection and humour, things that we take for granted will be a part of our every conversation, are not always, and like everything else we do, are what make us who we, and they, are.
Though grammar and vocabulary are vitally important to both academic and personal development, they are taught in school, where they can be embraced and enhanced in an indirect way, whereas at home, parental and sibling approaches can be very much more direct, and will drive improvement through interest, contextual examples, and on-the-spot correction.
Little things, such as putting a ‘word of the day,’ on a blackboard or under a magnet on the fridge being just one simple way to engage with progress, at home.
There is no substitute for observation and discussion about body language, non-verbal hints, tips and clues as part of conversation, creating an awareness. The looks, gestures, expressions, delays and expressions all key elements. They are pivotal in the sophistication and clarity of expression that makes what we say matter and mean something. They add finesse, in fact, just think about how ‘rolling your eyes during a conversation, a wink, a skyward look, a smile, a frown, a glare, a huff or a puff a finger-down-your throat, can change the meaning of your words significantly, can’t it?
There is much more to conversation than words, and like love and marriage, they do seem to need each other.
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