What’s harder than following a diet?
A: putting your cat on one. When the vet announced that Mansoor — my-overweight-bordering-obesity cat — should start a diet, I almost laughed. Her decision was an emotional one. She almost had a shoulder dislocation lifting his crate.
The vet elaborated further using big words such as: developing diabetes and fatty liver, to which Mansoor yawned and gave bored looks. I — on the other hand —imagined all the possible scenarios where he’ll be ditching the diet. On the way out, I bought a bag of diet biscuits which costed me a fortune. The moment we arrived home, I told my mother about Mansoor’s obligatory diet.
Being a typical Baluchi mom, she went into an instant denial mode: “Who says he’s fat? He’s a bit chubby!” I smiled sheepishly at her comment, as we both knew that she was the main reason behind his weight gain. Mom made him fried fish and didn’t mind opening a few cans of food for him to choose from.
Whenever Mansoor was in her care — mainly when I went travelling — he would develop new rolls of fat that folded nicely round his arms and neck. If I expressed shock to his new panda look-being black and white too — she would answer: “Well! He’s a picky eater!”.
With the new diet, I made sure that nobody would feed him but me and that he’ll just have his new expensive diet biscuit. And to demonstrate, I opened the pack and poured some into his bowl. Mansoor gulped it down greedily, as I removed the other cats’ food from the surroundings.
If Mansoor is dieting, everyone else is too! The first day was the hardest day for all of us. Mansoor walked around the house looking dazed and confused as there was no food lying around. He kept begging for food and giving us his accusing et -tu-Brute- looks. He then lied in a corner looking helpless. Mom fell for the great act instantly and questioned the use of the diet. But I knew better.
Mansoor was a smart cat and he was assessing the situation before deciding his next move. That night he came and curled himself around my head while I slept. Using his telepathic powers, he delved into my mind to understand the diet plan.
The very next morning, I heard Dad shouting that Mansoor was devouring the leftovers from other cats’ plates! Later he developed an allergy from the new biscuits and I had to stop it. We went back to his old biscuits — in smaller quantities — along with pieces of chicken and tuna in brine, which he really enjoyed.
But this didn’t stop him from having his cheat days — almost every day — where he learned how to open the biscuit’s bucket or timed his appearance with other cat’s feeding time. I also intended to make him exercise but the plan failed miserably.
At first, he gave me dirty looks as I poked him with the exercise toy before biting me revengefully. Despite all of that, we noticed that he’d lost weight after two weeks of his yo-yo diet. When I took him to the vet lately, they weighed him and guess what? Mansoor had lost hundred grams! It became an inside joke as the family debated where it came from? We’re not sure if it was from the neck, as the collar became a bit loose or his arms where the rolls of fat had almost vanished. Whatever the case might be, we’re proud of him and will be continuing the diet even if takes forever!
Rasha al Raisi is a certified skills trainer and the author of: The World According to Bahja. rashabooks@yahoo.com
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