Life, living a ‘good’ life, and being true to one’s faith and heritage rely on neither money nor masculinity, either power or position, or a question of stature or station, but rather... respect.
It is not about being shown respect, deserving respect, or getting respect. The ancient hierarchal societies were built largely upon ‘due respect,’ and those at the top of that hierarchy expecting, nay demanding respect, because it was due to them. That was then, and today no-one can demand or ‘expect’ respect, unless it is earned. It is today, totally, and completely, about one’s ability to show, and give respect. You cannot force someone to respect you, but you can refuse to be disrespected.
This is not about reinventing any societal wheel! This is about the evolution of mankind, and about how communications, travel, and progress have brought us to a time and place where we can begin to appreciate the value in all people, all cultures, all societies and religions. This evolution has surely brought us to a time and place where we can accept that a failure to give respect is a personal and individual failure, and not a consequence of birth, or gender.
Someone earns respect with their actions and reactions, their character and personality, for it is within these qualities that respect is developed, not through wealth or birthright. Many who would demand respect would have you believe they have never made a mistake, yet it is from mistakes that we all learn and grow better. Marilyn Monroe wasn’t perfect, yet she said something like, “I’m selfish, impatient, insecure, and I make mistakes. I get out of control and I’m hard to handle, but if you can’t handle me then, you don’t deserve me when I’m at my best.”
Admitting to mistakes allows one to gain, or regain respect, like Monroe, unlike which a stubborn refusal to budge identifies a failure of character. It is upon this obstacle which the respect of others so easily founders. “Respect for ourselves,” wrote Laurence Stern, “guides our morals, while respect for others guides our manners,” and one might add even more pointedly, our behaviour. Too many expatriates come here with a moral compass that loses polarity so much, and so quickly, we need to give ourselves a long hard look in the mirror.
We, collectively, must do better in terms of respecting others, or we cannot learn to respect ourselves. Labourers, housemaids, cleaners, drivers, waiters, are all looked down upon because of what they do, when they should be appreciated for what they do. They do things, so we do not have to, so the least we can do is smile, say hello, and acknowledge their service, and not ignore them. Tip, but let your tips be an acknowledgement of good service, rather than compensation for boorish behaviour.
And what about the tradesmen and craftsmen throughout the Sultanate, the carpenters, plumbers, metalworkers, builders, mechanics, panel beaters, engineers, tradesmen all. Skilled professionals these are, who have learned how to correctly service A/C units and bathroom appliances, repair and refurbish furniture to new condition, build gates, windows, and doors to fit your every whim, and to build your dream houses. Men who can take your broken motor vehicle and put it back together again, doing what “all the king’s horses and all the king’s men” could not do. In their fields, these are artists and artisans, who, if they were rewarded appropriately, would not be so poorly seen.
Too many of us focus upon our need to be understood, for being known is not the same, and we lose our own ability to understand those around us. It is the vain and the egotistical who pick and choose who to understand, in their arrogance, not realising that understanding is on the pathway to respect. The Dalai Lama spoke of, “Understanding our human brothers and sisters, respecting their rights and dignity.” Do not let that other person, the one who cannot or does not seek understanding... be you!
Oman Observer is now on the WhatsApp channel. Click here
