Just recently, I found out that one of my closest friends had been diagnosed with early-stage dementia and it hit me hard. He’s someone I’ve always admired for his intelligence, wit and sharp mind and to see him facing something so life-changing was deeply upsetting.
The diagnosis came as a shock to him, and he’s now having to come to terms with the reality that his memory isn’t what it used to be and will most likely worsen. At this early stage, he’s still able to manage his day-to-day life, but there are definite changes. He sometimes forgets recent conversations, and every so often, I notice a bit of confusion, especially if something unexpected happens. It’s tough to witness, especially knowing how much pride he’s always taken in his independence and mental agility.
For someone who has always relied on his intellect, realising that something as fundamental as memory could slip away has been a heavy blow. Dementia itself is a generic term used to describe a range of conditions that affect memory, thinking and behaviour. It isn’t a single disease but rather a group of related disorders. The most common type is Alzheimer’s disease. The name Alzheimer’s disease comes from Dr Alois Alzheimer, a German psychiatrist and neuropathologist. In 1906, he described the case of a woman named Auguste Deter who had experienced memory loss, confusion and unpredictable behaviour.
After her death, Dr Alzheimer examined her brain under a microscope and discovered some abnormalities, the same that are now recognised as hallmarks of Alzheimer’s disease. The next most common form is vascular dementia, which is linked to problems with blood flow in the brain. Other forms include Lewy Body dementia, which can cause movement and visual disturbances, and frontotemporal dementia, which often affects personality and language.
Each type progresses differently, but all gradually interfere with daily life and independence. In England and Wales, dementia has now become the leading cause of death, surpassing heart disease. This shift is largely because people are living longer, and age is the greatest risk factor for developing dementia. Better diagnosis and more accurate recording on death certificates have also contributed to the recorded increase.
While some drug and non-drug treatments can sometimes help manage symptoms, there is currently no cure, and the condition eventually affects the body’s ability to function. I’ve learned that what matters most right now is simply being there for my friend. I don’t make a fuss or treat him any differently, but I do make a point of listening more and being patient when he repeats himself or loses track of what he was saying. We will still do the things we’ve always enjoyed together, and I will make sure to keep our routines familiar and easy.
Small things like gentle reminders or sticking to plans seem to help sufferers cope, but above all, for my relationship with my friend, it’s giving him the reassurance that our friendship hasn’t changed, which means the most. It’s natural to feel at a loss when someone you care about receives this kind of news. I’ve realised that you don’t need to have all the answers.
Just showing up, offering a listening ear and letting them know you’re there for both the good days and the bad really does make a difference. My friend has told me how much he appreciates my understanding, and that’s something I hold on to. Even though dementia is now so common, each person’s story is unique, and every bit of kindness and understanding truly counts.
Karim Easterbrook is a Former Cambridge School Principal and Author
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