Parents: Be, do and say good... or fail

Most of us, it would appear, are just trying to get through life and its myriads of challenges. The problem is that the ‘rules,’ society’s boundaries and limitations, keep changing, so all that which we rely upon to justify our actions and choices, our social frameworks and expectations, are rarely consistent.

Education and learning for example, in which the learning of the alphabet and numbers; and the ability to read and write, add, subtract, multiply and divide, which for centuries have led to an ability to achieve shared levels of understanding and fostered trade, across generations, cultures, faiths and nationalities, have almost become redundant.

Certainly, when I first attended school, like every other pupil, I was confronted daily with several initial tasks, every day the same. These were aided by having the entire alphabet, in capital (big letters) and lower case (small letters) in banner form across the top of the blackboard at the front of the classroom, as Aa Bb Cc... and so on. Each letter also had a pictorial image pinned below it, as a reminder; hence, apple, ball, cat, duck and so on were linked inextricably to learning, reading and writing.

The entire class, immediately after attendance, would have to recite together the alphabet formally, by rote, as A, B, C... all the way through to Z. Woe betides those who made mistakes, as Miss Finlayson’s wooden ruler would ‘caress’ one’s knuckles, or she would administer a humiliating ‘clip’ around the ear. Those were the days you see, of corporal punishment in schools, which, while distasteful and certainly humiliating, degrading, demeaning, humbling, or chastening, ensured accuracy next time. So, despite short-term discomfort... the hierarchy worked.

Ellen Key wrote that corporal punishment in schools was “humiliating and ineffective, as neither physical pain, nor shame, could achieve any other result than hardening against its administration.” Most of my generation, though, would strenuously disagree, as current thinking, where the learner is ‘encouraged’ towards self-discipline, is failing both socially and educationally. It allows too many of today’s parents the luxury of what can only be seen as lazy parenting, where their offspring’s social and educational nuances are frequently neglected as a matter of expediency and comfort, or should that be discomfort?

Having removed genuine discipline from education and with too few parents taking an active interest in setting standards of behaviour, compliance and respect at home, let alone supporting them in school, the respect and self-respect among the youth today are, to say the least, disappointing. In this, what occurs to me is that too many young people only want to do what they want to do; and will say and do anything, to not do what they don’t want, as honesty and respect, at home, in the classroom, in communities and societies, have become rare qualities.

Why? Because you, their parents, have allowed them too much leeway and the more chances you give them, the less respect they will have, both for you and consequently, anyone else. They choose to ignore the boundaries of behaviour and respect because you have let them and they see your forgiveness or weakness as permission. Make no mistake, they are children only because you see them as such. Too many of our youthful generation are grossly entitled anarchists and you, as parents, are too easy on them and don’t care enough!

Facing those realities is a rude awakening you probably don’t want. You can’t be that indolent parent that still has whatever freedoms you had as a young adult and still have them as a parent; that’s not at all what it is. It is selfish and myopic.

Every new generation’s parenting comes at a cost and that has always been the indulgent joys of birth, love and affection, in any order. The price, that unwritten and too often unsaid cost, is that you give up much of your indulgence because you wanted children, so welcome to parenthood, with all its purity... and its flaws.