When words wound the heart

What could be a critical period in one’s life? The teenage years, because so many changes are happening from body to hormones.

This is also the time when emotions are high. Complicating things further are aspects such as bullying because this is the time when a teenager is also trying to shape his/her identity.

Identity is a search that goes on for a while derived from role models and peers. But being a victim of bullying can hinder the process as it affects the self esteem.

Bullying on campus, whether school or college, may at times vary in intensity. While the victim might laugh with others, what he/she goes through in mind might never be known to the outer world.

In school a young boy was not too tall and wore spectacles. This was enough for him to be picked on. He wanted to collect his Transfer Certificate and leave to another school. He confided in his father and this is the advice he received – “We are not complete. There is something lacking in everyone. We are all made differently. That makes each person unique. He remained in the school for the rest of the years. In time he developed many talents and one of them is acting. He continues his passion through acting and participating in theatre productions in his university.

The Observer spoke to three college students on their experience and perspective.

“I liked observing behaviours of my schoolmates and college mates. There were of course traces of bullying in some people. A lot of time it was about body shaming especially if someone was overweight or if they were thin. The other aspect was if they felt any of the students were different any way then there was a way the person would be avoided,” said Lama Sulaiman.

As for Mazeed bin Mustahil Aka’ak, there were experiences of bullying and at times rough but in college it is different. “In college the students are matured and in my situation I never experienced any kind of bullying. It is a very different environment. People have become adults and they do not have same tendencies as children,” he said.

Qusai al Abri looks at the situation of bullying quite philosophically, “I have faced bullying in life and not just I, but students and I have seen it in college too. I often wonder, ‘why?’ Maybe they think it as a joke, but we do not know what thoughts the victims are going through.”

Lama feels the bully gets some sort of sense of validation but she always noticed changes in the person who was being bullied. “Their voice, the tone changed and they would just leave the room. I often ask the person why they make such comments and their usual reply he/she knows it is just a joke and we are just trying to be funny. People around the individuals laugh too, and at times it is just to move out of the awkward situation.”

Weight is something that can be changed because one could lose weight but what if you were born with some challenges?

“My friend had a certain problem on his face that affected his facial expression. The others found it a reason to laugh and pass comments. I often asked them why because he did not ask for this situation. He was born with it. But they did not accept it and said they laughed with us. My question is he laughed with us, but what about when he is alone?”

Mazeed has seen bullying of a different kind and that at times is on people’s backgrounds, “And this is in school not in college. If your parents are from different nationalities or if you were weak in language then you might be exposed to some comments.”

How do young people cope with the problem of being bullied? Do they prefer to go to a counsellor or would they use a hotline?

“Move on, is what I would say? Why go to these places? Don’t think too much about it,” said Qusai.

Mazeed said victims might be shy to talk about it and would not want to discuss it thinking they would be considered as a weak person. “If you are bullied and you tell someone about it, if the bully finds about it things could get worse. I think lot of times children want to act as if things are okay. They do not want to make a situation out of it,” he pointed out.

Lama’s opinion is different, “I just want to say that to talk about it is not a sign of weakness at all. If you have faced any time of bullying then one must tell them it is wrong otherwise this act will be continuing. Maybe one individual can handle it but someone else may not be able to take care of the situation. So I think we need an open conversation so that people know they have options such as therapies and they have to know it is okay to ask for help. Talking about your feelings is not wrong and what is wrong is when you avoid talking about your feelings because all of it could accumulate and things could get worse.”

She gave the example of children who developed eating disorder because they were body shamed.

Now all the three agree that each person can contribute to creating an environment that is encouraging and supporting to each other.

“I think it is important to have friends who support them and they could be the ones they could speak to. A hotline would be very beneficial because they could get advice. It is important that we discuss this with our friends and family,” Mazeed pointed out.

No one should be left alone to suffer silently.

@lakshmioman