How you speak to and about yourself matters. When things don’t go away, we tend to turn a lot of blame on ourselves and our circumstances. This issue with blame is that it doesn’t offer a lot of room to learn and grow. Instead of placing blame, you can use the opportunity to learn, make peace, and grow.
When things don’t go our way our nervous systems often fall into anxious, depressed, or fearful states. This is hard on our nervous system, it’s hard on our bodies. Here are some questions to ask yourself that can offer your nervous system some sense of peace and empowerment.
Where is this asking me to love myself more?
When things go wrong it is easy to focus on what is not fair, on the failures, or the disappointment. These feelings are valid but they aren’t everything. When something doesn’t work out the way you want it can bring up feelings of unworthiness, distrust, and fear.
You are not unworthy, and maybe this current circumstance is asking you to love the part of you that feels unworthy in the face of things not working out.
What is the worst possible outcome?
This might sound like a morbid question. It can also be a powerful one though. We are so quick to react and imagine the worst that we don’t take time to sit with what the ‘worst thing’ would actually mean.
When something doesn’t go your way try asking yourself this question. Then, figure out if the worst possible outcome is something you can survive. It might not be easy, comfortable, or ideal, but you will often figure out that is something you will be able to survive.
Once you realise this, things might not seem so scary anymore. As bad as things can get you now know you can also pick yourself up from there.
Instead of reacting, can I respond to this in a sacred manner?
To understand this question you need to first understand the difference between reacting and responding. I believe a reaction is our immediate response. It’s when emotions are heightened and often very harsh on our nervous system. A response comes after you have taken the time to centre, ground, and check-in with your nervous system. Sometimes this can be a couple of seconds, a few breaths, a day, or even longer.
When things don’t go our way it’s important for us to remember to take care of our own well-being. Giving yourself time to process and form a response is a gift to yourself. This will often leave you with fewer regrets, anxiety, and discomfort. You’ve taken the time to check in with yourself and understand what it is you truly need, want to say, or do. You are acting from a place of peace and empowerment.
The writer is a Transformational Mindset and Empowerment Mentor, Business Coach for Women, and Host of the podcast Live Inspired; Please contact the author for details about ‘HEALTHY HABITS | THE MINDSET RESET’, an 8-day transformation focused on building a mindset from which you approach each day with ease, clarity, patience, and joy. vanessaseymour.com, firstname.lastname@example.org; Instagram: @vanessa.seymour