We are afraid of the very thing that will liberate us
Published: 04:04 PM,Apr 11,2022 | EDITED : 08:04 PM,Apr 11,2022
When was the last time you really wanted something yet you were too afraid to reach out and grab it? Perhaps it was asking someone you like out on a date, requesting a promotion from your boss or voicing how you really feel.
It happens to the best of us where we let opportunity after opportunity slide by because we don’t want to “put ourselves out there” through fear of rejection, failure, being misunderstood and at worse being laughed at.
As children, this was not the case. Children are the epitome of no barriers, honest communication, forthright connection and all the wonderful attributes that we as adults, on some level, aspire to regain.
Children are fully liberated, with no boundaries, no limitations; they do and say as they please. As adults we have developed fears of not wanting to say something nor do something because of past embarrassing experiences.
We want to shy away from ever having to feel that way again and because we don’t want to relive the traumatic incidents, we stop ourselves in our tracks. Over time, sadly, our survival mechanism has been hardwired to learn to be affected by the opinion and reaction of others. This automatically hinders our desire, persistence and determination to reach out.
Somewhere throughout our childhood, we were made to believe we could not do certain things because we were told we weren’t big enough, thin enough, fast enough, “fill in the blank” enough, and those insecurities blossomed into feelings of unworthiness and self-doubt which stopped us from trying again, from pushing ourselves to attempt something new.
As we enter adulthood, the “innocence” that children possess starts blending with many factors such as hormones, peer pressure, parents’ attitudes and the child’s own perceptions of reality, which all twist the way we view the world. We are also affected by the way we understand and experience mistakes. When we are able to view those mistakes as an excellent feedforward system for the future, everything becomes easier to manage especially when we own the self-awareness to not be so hard on ourselves.
The key to being totally free is the feeling of being able to do what you want like nobody is watching, even if they are watching! “The truth will set you free” is the old adage which can also be interpreted as your truth will set you free. Doing things that your soul really wants is truly liberating. Yet, why don’t we simply reach out for it? We want to wait for the “perfect time” to get things right. However, there will never be that perfect time. Now, is the right time.
The very thing we are so scared to reach out for is the very thing that will free us from the judging and shaming of the inner critic. The more we don’t do it, the further the belief of unworthiness gets reinforced, so it pushes us to cower down even deeper to remain safe.
However, the more we try, the muscle of unbeatable, undefeatable resiliency gets reinforced. Instead of becoming prisoner to our own sabotaging behaviour and strategies that make us believe familiar scenarios are better than the unknown, we embrace them and become unconfined to face our fears with all of its uncertainties.
We are afraid of the very thing that will liberate us. That is such a powerful, bold statement.
Remember true liberation is feeling unrestrained, no limits, completely open with childlike wonder and most importantly, not being affected by what others think.
If only we consistently lived by this rule, we would be on the top of our game always, all days.
Hyesha Barrett
The writer is a neuro-transformational coach
It happens to the best of us where we let opportunity after opportunity slide by because we don’t want to “put ourselves out there” through fear of rejection, failure, being misunderstood and at worse being laughed at.
As children, this was not the case. Children are the epitome of no barriers, honest communication, forthright connection and all the wonderful attributes that we as adults, on some level, aspire to regain.
Children are fully liberated, with no boundaries, no limitations; they do and say as they please. As adults we have developed fears of not wanting to say something nor do something because of past embarrassing experiences.
We want to shy away from ever having to feel that way again and because we don’t want to relive the traumatic incidents, we stop ourselves in our tracks. Over time, sadly, our survival mechanism has been hardwired to learn to be affected by the opinion and reaction of others. This automatically hinders our desire, persistence and determination to reach out.
Somewhere throughout our childhood, we were made to believe we could not do certain things because we were told we weren’t big enough, thin enough, fast enough, “fill in the blank” enough, and those insecurities blossomed into feelings of unworthiness and self-doubt which stopped us from trying again, from pushing ourselves to attempt something new.
As we enter adulthood, the “innocence” that children possess starts blending with many factors such as hormones, peer pressure, parents’ attitudes and the child’s own perceptions of reality, which all twist the way we view the world. We are also affected by the way we understand and experience mistakes. When we are able to view those mistakes as an excellent feedforward system for the future, everything becomes easier to manage especially when we own the self-awareness to not be so hard on ourselves.
The key to being totally free is the feeling of being able to do what you want like nobody is watching, even if they are watching! “The truth will set you free” is the old adage which can also be interpreted as your truth will set you free. Doing things that your soul really wants is truly liberating. Yet, why don’t we simply reach out for it? We want to wait for the “perfect time” to get things right. However, there will never be that perfect time. Now, is the right time.
The very thing we are so scared to reach out for is the very thing that will free us from the judging and shaming of the inner critic. The more we don’t do it, the further the belief of unworthiness gets reinforced, so it pushes us to cower down even deeper to remain safe.
However, the more we try, the muscle of unbeatable, undefeatable resiliency gets reinforced. Instead of becoming prisoner to our own sabotaging behaviour and strategies that make us believe familiar scenarios are better than the unknown, we embrace them and become unconfined to face our fears with all of its uncertainties.
We are afraid of the very thing that will liberate us. That is such a powerful, bold statement.
Remember true liberation is feeling unrestrained, no limits, completely open with childlike wonder and most importantly, not being affected by what others think.
If only we consistently lived by this rule, we would be on the top of our game always, all days.
Hyesha Barrett
The writer is a neuro-transformational coach