‘I want’s, never get!’ words of wisdom

I fear for the youth of our current generations in many respects, but most of all because there is a phrase that has become significantly overused by the young people of today, which tends to grate simply because of its over-indulgence. The phrase is ‘I want’.

For hundreds, maybe thousands of years, parents have used the word when they are trying to understand what a baby ‘wants’ as a baby cannot communicate with them, when in fact that baby ‘needs’.

We say, “I think he wants his bottle,” when in fact he needs his bottle. Or, “I think he wants his nappies changed,” when in fact, you know very well he doesn’t just want his nappies changed, but he needs his nappies changed.

I wonder if that sort of overuse, or lazy use of the word ‘want’ creates an early acceptance of the use of the word, in a slightly out-of-context manner? Wise parents will give their kids the same advice that my parents gave me when I was young, basically saying that, “I want’s, never get!”

My dad was probably an ‘I want’er’ when he was young, and was put straight about it, because he drummed into us early that “I want” is the one pair of words that parents dislike hearing. That’s because until children and young people learn the definitive role, and absolute truth of the phrase, it implies not only that you want something, but that you want it for nothing.

Anyway, kids grow up saying I want in the first place, because they hear us using that word commonly, as we ponder the NEEDS, not the wants, of the baby. Now listen to these three statements carefully. Contextualise them, and give them an identity. It will only take a second, as they are all incredibly common.

“I want a bike.”

“I want a new phone.”

“I want to sleep.”

You’ve all heard them. So what is the common thread? Yes! All of those people that you’ve heard saying those things have all simply spoken the bare statement, and that’s where we, the older generation have to step in. We have to say, “What? For nothing you want a new bike? For nothing you want a new phone? For nothing you want more sleep?”

You must make clear to them that “I want,” must be accompanied by a proposal, and that proposal must take on increasing strength and validity, so that the distance between what you want, and what you will eventually get, is dependent upon what you will do for it.

We are living in a world that is increasingly transactional, and in a way, we can still have our ‘wants,’ but we need to make the youth understand that nothing is free, except faith and love, and whatever our harmless, our inner wants are, we should not identify our wants without an accompanying statement of what we are prepared to do for it.

“I want a bike please Dad, so that I can get to football quicker. I promise I’ll do my homework every day before football.”

“I want a new phone please Mum. If you can help me convince Dad I need a bigger screen, and more memory for uni, I’ll cook dinner every Friday, so you can relax.”

“I want to sleep. I never got home till late. If you let me stay in bed for a couple of hours, I’ll help you with your project. I promise.”

They all sound much better don’t they? There is no evasion of responsibility, no implication of laziness, no sense of entitlement. It is much more mature and transactional, and all in all, much more acceptable.

Want is not unnatural. It’s as human as any of its fellows, but need is imperative, desire is heartfelt and emotive, and fancy takes its wings from our imagination. Want, as most seen and heard, is a consequence of lethargy and indolence.

Ray Petersen

petersen_ray@hotmail.com