Saleh Al Shaibany -
saleh_shaibany@yahoo.com -
Newly married couples have many challenges. To love one another is not enough these days. To set up a home is their biggest challenge.
I met such a couple at a family party who sat close to each other, marvelling at the hosts’ well-furnished surroundings.
They seemed subdued as they looked around and listened to other people’s achievements. The lady of the house was explaining how she and her husband had acquired some ornaments while travelling to different parts of the world.
To make matters worse, she took us on a house tour and showed us every nook and cranny of her large home. I looked closely at the young couple and I thought that they felt intimidated by them. Of course, it was not the fault of our hostess, who had graciously invited us to her home nor was she inconsiderate in anyway, not knowingly, that is.
However, I could not help remembering, not so long ago, when, my wife and I were in a situation similar to the one that these two young people found themselves in now.
To own a place of your own was a distant illusion and a daunting task. We thought we could never afford the mortgage repayment and we would forever live in rented accommodation.
The challenge is growing these days, for owning a house is just the second hurdle. The first is to find a job so you can be credit-worthy and good employment is not so easy to come by any more.
A few years ago, newlyweds were expected to live with parents and the rest of the immediate members of the family. The head of the family then was the father, who had his married children under his shelter, where each child helped in the family business.
Close-knit families are now fast becoming a thing of the past. It is the jet-set age for some, and even for those who live in the same country, modem highways separate their homes.
“I have not seen him for over six months,” I was told by somebody when I inquired about the health of his brother. “He lives with his own family in a separate house.”
This is now common among many of us. A village turns into a sprawling town and families are pushed away from each other. We are lucky to have occasions like Eid for that family get-together at least twice a year.
“It’s well and good if you see each other during Eid,” someone said, “but it is a great pity if you see a member of your family only on sad occasions like a funeral.”
These days, even the words ‘family members’ do not hold the same meaning. It has always been parents, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles. Not anymore.
Family now strictly means wife and children, and the rest are fast becoming very distant. One saying goes, ‘You gain a daughter when your son marries and lose a son when he marries’.
I think we should amend it by saying that ‘you lose a child when that child marries’.
“Family homes are not big enough these days,” a woman who married off her two sons said to me. “Not when married couples are not willing to share with their parents or in-laws. They need their own. Privacy without old fogies like us breathing down their necks.”
Which means a great deal of penny-pinching schemes to be able to afford the rent and other necessities.
They could, however, argue that at least they have each other to start life with their own resources.
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