By Bosky Dutia
Like millions of women all over the world, I have struggled to love my body for years. Through my childhood and the throes of my teens, I was told I was too big, too fat, too ugly… the adjectives were endless but my patience with myself was not.
There is no diet or exercise I did not try. I punished myself with starvation and self-deprecation. Today, although I am more at peace with my body, I cannot claim body love.
We are often our harshest critics; associating the potency of the word love with family and friends but often leaving ourselves out – body and mind.
Living in a world that constantly tells us that we need to change our appearance to be happy or feel worthy doesn’t really help our case. The ever-changing diet culture and impractical filters on social media have convinced us that ‘perfect’ is greater than real and that our fairy tale is just around the corner if we only drastically alter the way we look.
Whilst the body-positive momentum is giving women a much-needed respite from the slippery slope that is the need to be flawless; our excursion to know our bodies is far from over.
I can hear the affirmative chants ringing incessantly in my ear - love your body – through any means necessary. Endorsing a never-ending love affair with our bodies is a huge part of that unrealistic perfect utopia that leaves me discontent.
Standing before a mirror, seeing a muffin top, or large thighs and no thigh gap, where am I? For all the journeying we appear to have done, it feels to me as though we have not moved forward, instead, veered just a little to the side.
Angst with yourself for your appearance is natural, for the heart always wants just a little more. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be leaner, fairer or taller and we shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for it either.
I strongly believe that we go through seasons with our bodies depending on the current situation and changes we experience in life. Whether it is contentment and gratitude you feel or resentment; both these extremes are entirely valid.
Although feeling confident in the skin you’re in is amazing, it is certainly not plausible to expect this to be an everyday norm. Also, that’s quite a lot of pressure to carry on your shoulders to live life in that way.
Instead of loving our bodies, which for me right now seems out of reach, I am in a place of acceptance, which I think is far easily achievable for many. Body acceptance feels easier to get to grips with because loving your body seems very all-or-nothing.
Acceptance conveys the fact that perhaps you’re not content, but still in the mindset of being kinder and appreciative of your body.
Which is why I support a move away from body positivity, and towards a new era of body neutrality. Of proud ambivalence.
Here, there’s plenty of room, both for those who revel in their physical strength and beauty, and those who don’t want their bodies to be political statements, or even to think about them much at all.
After a draining decade in body image, I’m hoping that until the messy little business of restructuring the world in order to find true equality is completed, the message of the next 10 years will be, not to love your body, but instead, find peace with it.
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