Family money matters

SHARED THOUGHTS -

The mother of junior tends to utilise weekends to discuss serious topics with her husband – that is me; the father of junior. She prefers quiet times to bring up topics that impact the family both in the short and long run. Last weekend was no exception. She summoned me to a closed room meeting that lasted for almost two hours. This time it was all about ‘family money matters’. Most people think that women are not very good when it comes to financial matters but I think they should hold their thoughts until they meet the mother of junior.

In this closed session, she tabled many things related to money in particular and finance in general. You should have seen her in action. She expressed herself while articulating data with relevant live examples in order for me to focus. She started by asking me a question “What is the largest amount of money one of us should spend without consulting the other?” She then dwelled on what system of managing money should we adopt. What amazed me the most was her query on our retirement goals. She then went ahead to lecture that every couple needs to define what they want for themselves during their retirement. One spouse may want to retire far from the city, while the other one loves the rush in the city. “The planning for retirement needs to begin today”. She declared categorically! It gets there sooner than most people anticipate. We need to discuss when each person will retire, where we will live, and how much money we should have to live well without a regular income. She highlighted the fact that Pension is rarely enough to make ends meet. It would be a smart move to find ways of generating passive income even in retirement.

She then alerted me of uncertainties of this life. What would we do if one of us lost their job? Without waiting for an answer, she continued saying that job losses are becoming very common nowadays, and sometimes it is beyond one’s control due to redundancy. Ordinarily, job loss brings conflict because most women draw security from money, while men draw esteem from money. We should know and discuss changes we would have to make if it were to happen. Would we move to a smaller house? Change the children’s schools? Move to the interior? Sell the cars? These things need to be discussed because it makes things easier if a need for any change occurs. Another topic of discussion was on who should we provide any financial assistance; be it to our parents and siblings or friends– and to what extent? She raised the question on how we should decide on providing for our relatives, discuss how much and for how long we should do this. She also pointed out the issue of hosting relatives saying that as a result, there is always an increase in household costs and the dynamics will change. Accordingly, she came up with an idea of making a budget for this. She declared that coming to an agreement together makes us a stronger couple, both financially and socially.

Charity was also one item on her agenda. This could be for the poor or the needy or any other good cause. We should all be trained to be givers. As a couple, we should not fight because one has the heart for giving, and the other does not. In such situations, the giver tends to feel very constrained and will often give in secret. However, it comes out eventually, especially if you are on a strict budget. We need to discuss whether giving is in both of our priorities and if it is not, at least reach a compromise. Since both of us are a working-class, our career goals need to be outlined. This way, we will not be threatened by anyone’s progress. This addresses many things, such as spacing of children, whether to keep working or take time off to raise children or study. More money coming in is good but will also mean long working hours and perhaps business travel. Deciding to go for further studies call for one of us to sacrifice for the other, so we need to discuss and agree earlier what one intends to do at some point.

Finally, yet importantly, she touched upon a vital topic, which she referred to as IMP (Individual Money Personalities). On this one, she started by saying that it is rare that two people have the same risk appetite. How people relate with money is shaped by many factors such as experiences and upbringing, so when couples come together, they are cultured differently. This extends to how they deal with each other. One spouse could have come from a small family, may be an only child, and thus not used to sharing. The other may have come from a family of many children, so sharing, to them, is not a big deal. It is important to know if you are a risk-taker or risk-averse. If we know our own and the other’s personality, we would be able to understand our own faults. That way, money conversations become easier to handle, as we can better handle money conflicts and adjust where we can.

Such is the kind of determination and commitment possessed by the mother of junior to her family. Her aim is building relationships by improving family wellness. She propagates for “simple and yet effective” techniques that will allow a family to enjoy a good relationship and be in a position to match forward for their development and advancement.

nizar.nmh.musalmy@gmail.com