Friday, March 29, 2024 | Ramadan 18, 1445 H
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EDITOR IN CHIEF- ABDULLAH BIN SALIM AL SHUEILI

Divorce and children’s well-being

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A complete family is a natural environment where the child is nurtured in the broadest sense, with mutual love, respect and supports. However, the phenomenon of divorce has spread in many societies and marriages are ending in divorce quickly.


Despite the difference in the percentage of divorce from one country to another, it is a matter that greatly affects the psychological and social condition of the parties, especially when a couple has children between them. It destroys the children psychologically and socially, subjecting them to trauma and psychological fatigue.


The main reason why this condition shakes the foundations of society is that it primarily affects children, as the relationships between children and their parents in general are affected by this phenomenon in a negative way.


As for the short-term impact on the child, that leaves children struggling emotionally. The anger and sadness generated is natural regardless of the age of the children. This can lead to sadness, isolation, loneliness, social difficulties, and the child may perform less academically.


As a result of the disintegration of their parents, anger may also increase in children due to feelings of abandonment or guilt, anxiety or blame, all of these feelings are normal and should be expected, however if deep anger or sadness persist beyond two to three months, one of the parents must seek advice for the child.


Another important challenge in the short term is that children often think that they are responsible for the separation of their parents. Children are particularly vulnerable to these types of ideas if they are between three and eight years old. It is up to the parents to convince them that they are not responsible for their separation.


Experts in the emotional needs of young children say that increased levels of the stress hormone cortisol in children and young children separated from their parents, especially from their mothers, can have a long-term genetic impact on future generations. Hence, separation and divorce leave their effects on children’s lives, such as the effects of unwanted spots on clothes that cannot be disposed of. In fact, children need their parents to participate in their lives and countless studies show great benefits for children socially, academically, psychologically, emotionally and physically when they remain parents together in a child’s life.


When the child feels sufficient security resulting from the presence of his parents in his life, he is able to explore, develop, learn and grow. However, for children, separation creates insecurity that threatens their development and exploration of the world and instead they drain their energy in the search for reassurance rather than learning, experimentation and growth.


Many studies have explained that divorce increased the possibility for children to live in unhealthy relationships in the future, as a child whose parents were exposed to divorce are more likely to suffer from the difficulty of obtaining healthy relationships upon puberty. So, the divorce of the parents is born when the child reaches a sense of fear of abandonment, failure and lack of success in emotional relationships, which in turn leads to his abstaining from commitment in his relationships as well.


At the end, if you see that divorce is the only solution and that you feel remorse for your decision that you married, you must end the marriage, but always remember that your decision to have children cannot be regretted and cannot be disposed of or terminated in any way.


Nevertheless, if divorce is the only solution to live in peace, it must take children into account and its psychological impact on your children, with parents’ dialogue and consultation with the psychologists. Actually, sometimes separation is better for children than living under a roof full of conflict and tension.


Dr Yousuf Ali al Mulla, MD, Ministry of Health, is a medical innovator and educator. For any queries regarding the content of the column he can be contacted at: dryusufalmulla@gmail.com


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