Through a dirty window pane of a fast food restaurant chain, I saw a very familiar face. The man was sitting on the deck, dining with two small children and a young woman. She was a foreigner of Far Eastern origin. But the two boys were undoubtedly Omanis.
I desperately tried to place the man’s face. And when he turned to look at me, I recognised him.
He was a man of substance with a great reputation in the local scenario.
I nudged my wife and asked to look at the deck.
I told her who the gentleman was, but she just nodded and lost interest.
I then told her to shift her gaze just a few feet away from him to the young lady. My wife narrowed her eyes as she watched the woman.
The ensuing debate we had was based more on conviction rather than any moral consideration.
Since there was nothing else to do, we tested many theories about their relationship. We were both convinced that she was not his wife.
The conclusion was that the woman was the children’s nanny.
The intriguing thing was that she did not act like a domestic servant.
The subtle touch on his sleeve, the smile and the look suggested otherwise. Of course, if the man was completely unknown in the local circles, then it would not have aroused our curiosity.
We would have just raised our eyebrows and not delved into the matter. But the argument I now have is the extended role of some domestic servants here in the Gulf.
Perhaps, the word ‘domestic’ has more than one meaning in some households.
I have to be careful here how I pen the words.
I am not in defence of long suffering women who play second fiddle to the domestic competition.
Nor am I attacking opportunistic housemaids looking to unsettle the lady of the house.
I am blaming, as adamantly as I can, the gentleman of the house for ungentlemanly conduct.
Imagine the anguish of a wife who has been sidelined for a servant! One man actually divorced his wife of 25 years for a 22-year-old domestic worker who had been in his employment for only two years.
During his defence he asked: “Why do you look down upon housemaids? Would you make such a noise if I married my secretary?”
He had a point.
It was a matter of social standard and snobbishness has a lot to
do with it.
But if it were the other way round, and the wife left her man for a houseboy, then opinions would change.
The truth is that you and I have never come across a situation where the wife ‘demeans’ herself in this way.
It is not something you would record in statistics.
But a good deal of husbands here in the Gulf secretly turn to their housemaids.
Marriage to maids is the last resort and it only happens when they get caught. Age is not a consideration.
Both young and old men get trapped in the same web.
Mind you, not all housemaids are willing partners.
Economic situation in their own home countries makes them ‘surrender’ themselves to their bosses.
I think such men take advantage of the situation as much as the housemaids do. They feel they have more job security if they get closer to their employers.
The danger is obvious.
Children, who usually are in the sole custody of the housemaids, get caught in between.
They see it happening, and they always side with their mother.
All this has got to do with self-respect, but not all men have in them to command it.
Saleh Al Shaibany
saleh_shaibany@yahoo.com
Oman Observer is now on the WhatsApp channel. Click here
