Saleh Al Shaibany -
saleh_shaibany@yahoo.com -
As a parent, sometimes you don’t need to look far if your children misbehave. If you want them to behave like little angels, then you need to show the example. You are a stereotype of their future life and there is a good chance they would grow up exactly the way you behaved in front of them.
There is more than one way to discipline them. Smacking them, or even worse, calling them names like ‘stupid’, is not the best way to do it. If anything, it reflects on the quality of your parenthood, even on your own personality.
If you turn your home into a jungle or even into a war zone, then they can practice what they learn from you outside with their friends. In case you have not noticed it, children, no matter what age they are, watch when mum and dad fight. In case you seem to think that it is alright to fight behind the closed bedroom, then you should know walls are thin and voice penetrates them.
One could argue that parents are not angels either. You would also say that one could never time when an argument would erupt between you and your spouse. It just happens. That’s alright. But if the rows are deeply sandwiched between smiles then you could prove to a child that parents are only humans.
We all come across situations when children hang out precariously from the windows of fast-moving cars. Parents of such children would think nothing of it. The tragedy is that youngsters like that grow up in a one-dimensional environment and they would normally struggle at school and beyond.
I heard one mother defending her unruly child by saying, ‘He is only a child once.”
Or another parent justifying a wild youngster, “He did not mean it.” In the next moment, these children would repeat their disruptiveness and you would think their parents would run out of excuses.
Some couples, who had been severely punished at home by their own parents, understandably would not want to do it to their children. So they let them run wild.
One teacher complained: “How would you teach a child some discipline when no seeds of good behaviour were sown at home?” Perhaps our governments should seriously start consider introducing rules that would punish parents who fail their children.
In Oman, there is a ban on teachers from caning or even smacking children. This was after parents lodged endless complaints about the method of punishment some schools employ.
No argument there but we are equally concerned when a child is allowed to do whatever he wants without proper discipline.
To many, not laying a finger on an unruly child is baffling and this is where the whole child-parent relationship gets complicated. If you are blessed with an obedient child who accepts a chocolate as a bribe for good conduct, then you may think you are lucky. They now demand an iPhone which they quickly get bored with. Then they want something more expensive next week. So it is very tempting to let them blow the roof and pretend you don’t see them.
It is easy to dismiss people with disruptive children as bad parents. Well-behaved children don’t always grow up to become good citizens, though. I guess good parenthood is more than a nurtured talent.
It is about your background and the way it has affected you. It is also whether your marriage sails in rough or calm waters. It takes two to tango and an audience to watch. Your children may not join in the music but they would dance in the same rhythm years later.
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